


destiny is a fickle thing

by myrddinthewizard



Series: how to love a liar [10]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: BAMF Merlin (Merlin), BAMF Morgana (Merlin), M/M, Oops, arthur and merlin are getting somehwere, i honestly don't know where this is going anymore, i'm just going with the flow and hopefully it turns out okay, morgana is... not thriving, oop~, should i put a warning for a cliffhanger?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-18 00:40:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28983507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myrddinthewizard/pseuds/myrddinthewizard
Summary: Arthur exhaled slowly. “That’s a vague question, Morgana. He’s everywhere. In the air around us and in the sky above. He’s woven in the earth beneath your feet and he’s the blood that runs through your veins. He’s magic itself.”Merlin nearly snorted at the response. The words were slow and practiced as if designed specifically to irk Morgana. And it worked. Morgana snarled, leaning forward. She clenched her fists and Arthur gasped suddenly as if he couldn’t breathe. “I’ll ask you again. Who. Is. Emrys?”“That’s enough, Morgana,” Merlin said, pushing off the wall.(the emrys reveal | morgana edition)
Relationships: Gwen & Merlin (Merlin), Merlin & Morgana (Merlin), Mordred & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Mordred & Morgana (Merlin), past Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Series: how to love a liar [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2058711
Comments: 63
Kudos: 229





	1. part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin BBC
> 
> (read series in order)

> “ _There is someone you have been searching for, someone that has always eluded you. And I have his true name. It is Merlin."_
> 
> \- Mordred to Morgana

There was almost a type of relief that washed over Merlin when he heard the loud thud echo off the stone walls. Ever since the phoenix, things around the castle had been oddly quiet and it made Merlin more nervous than anything. He would rather fight than wait for an attack. 

Merlin launched himself to his feet and bolted for the door. He sought out the source easily enough as he arrived at the throne room. He recognized the wave of magic that washed over him. His blood ran cold.

The doors were locked shut and guards seemed to be passed out before it. Merlin crept forward and pressed his ear to the door. It was silent.

He was about to peek inside when the doors suddenly threw itself open and Merlin crashed, stumbling inside.

“Nice of you to join us, Merlin.” Morgana drawled.

Merlin groaned and raised his head to see Morgana standing a few feet before him. Arthur, Gwen, and the knights were seated at the table and were pinned to their chairs. Arthur’s eyes were wide as he glared at Merlin. Merlin offered him a weak smile before pushing up onto his knees.

“Thanks for the invitation, Morgana. It’s been a while.” Merlin snarked back.

Morgana tilted her chin up, eyes sharp. “I thought you would be by your king when I arrived. Did you two have a lover’s spat?”

Merlin smirked and rose to his feet. “Wouldn’t you like to know? Contrary to popular belief, I do have a life that doesn’t concern Arthur.”

Morgana raised an eyebrow. “Do you? Could've fooled me.”

Merlin shot her a sickly sweet smile. He stepped forward and glanced up to the knights and then to Gwen. Her lips were pursed together and she seemed to want to say something but Morgana’s magic wouldn’t let her. “What’s your business here, Morgana. Have you come to beg for your freedom?”

Merlin marveled at how easy it was to talk to her like that. How freeing. To know that Morgana could attack and Merlin could defend himself without worrying about Arthur’s reaction. Though Merlin still hadn’t found the courage to tell Gwen and the other knights. But he never would’ve dared to talk to Morgana like this if Arthur didn’t know.

“I don’t beg, Merlin.” Morgana snarled. “Besides, I’m already free. I just need some answers. This doesn’t concern you.”

Merlin stepped forward. “I’m afraid that if it concerns Arthur, it concerns me.”

“Ever the loyal servant, hmm? I wonder what’s stopping me from ending your life right here and right now?” Morgana strode forward, ever-so-gracefully.

“Nothing, really.” Merlin spread his arms. “Go for it. You’ve tried before.”

Morgana’s eyes hardened and Merlin raised an eyebrow, challenging her. He knew he was being reckless but Merlin honestly wanted to see what Morgana would do. He was just scared of Gwen’s reaction more than anything.

Morgana scoffed and turned on her heel. Her eyes flooded gold and Merlin was shoved into the wall and pinned there. “I don’t have time for you right now.”

Merlin spoke up, ignoring Arthur’s wide eyes that told him to shut up. “You always were a coward, weren’t you?”

Morgana glanced back at him and her magic suddenly wove a gag around his mouth, cutting off his words. Merlin easily melted the gag but he decided to keep silent.

“Now, Arthur. It’s been a while but a lot has happened since we last met.” Morgana strode toward Arthur. Her eyes flicked gold and suddenly Arthur took in a breath like he hadn’t been breathing.

“Morgana.” His voice was hoarse. Arthur glanced over at Merlin before facing Morgana again. “I recognize that I’ve made mistakes. But I legalized magic. You’re free. You can stop this madness.”

“This has gone well beyond the likes of you.” Morgana slammed her hands on the table and met Arthur’s gaze. “Where’s Emrys?”

Arthur flinched but stayed silent. Merlin could see the tension in his jaw as if he was physically stopping himself from looking over at him. “What?”

“Don’t act stupid. You know exactly who I’m talking about. Where is he?” Morgana demanded, her voice sharp.

Arthur exhaled slowly. “That’s a vague question, Morgana. He’s everywhere. In the air around us and in the sky above. He’s woven in the earth beneath your feet and he’s the blood that runs through your veins. He’s magic itself.”

Merlin nearly snorted at the response. The words were slow and practiced as if designed specifically to irk Morgana. And it worked. Morgana snarled, leaning forward. She clenched her fists and Arthur gasped suddenly, his breaths going thin. “I’ll ask you again. Where. Is. Emrys?”

Her hands loosened and Arthur inhaled sharply, clenching the table with white knuckles. “I already told you.”

“You—”

“That’s enough, Morgana,” Merlin said, pushing off the wall. 

Morgana whirled around, her eyes dark. “Do you have a death wish?”

Merlin laughed. “Don’t worry yourself. You couldn’t kill me if you tried.”

Morgana tilted her head. “Is that a challenge? How did you escape my bonds?”

“They were rather weak, Morgana. I thought you were more powerful than that.” Merlin drawled, moving forward.

Morgana’s eyes flicked over his face, searching. A sudden light entered her eyes. “Oh. I see. I’ve been asking the wrong person.”

Merlin swallowed roughly and took another slow step forward. “Have you?”

Morgana’s eyes darkened. “I should’ve known. Emrys has a little sidekick. I knew he couldn’t have done it all on his own.”

Merlin watched with careful eyes as Morgana advanced. “So where is he?”

“He’s right in front of you, Morgana.”

Morgana’s lips curled. She stopped just a few feet before him. “ _Who is he?_ ”

Merlin closed the distance until they were nose to nose. Morgana met his gaze, unflinching. “He’s your destiny, Morgana. And he’s your doom.”

Morgana's eyes widened but before she could respond, Merlin tackled her, shoving her into a large pillar. He whispered a quick spell to free the others and rolled over. Morgana jerked up, her face twisted. She reached up to touch her head where she had slammed into the concrete. Her hands came away bloody.

Merlin backed up. “Morgana—”

Morgana snarled and with a speed he didn’t think possible, she launched herself up and slammed Merlin against the wall, her hands digging into his throat.

Arthur shocked himself into movement but Morgana’s eyes flared and he was thrown back against the wall. Morgana pushed harder, nearly choking Merlin. Her voice was dangerously low. “Where is Emrys?”

Merlin didn’t fight back. His head throbbed where it had slammed against the wall and his vision blurred the slightest bit. Morgana’s face was inches away and her eyes were as cold as flint. He couldn’t imagine ever being this angry. He’d had enough. He was tired. So, so tired. Of the lying and the hiding and the cowardness. So he repeated his answer from the first time she asked, pleading for her to understand. His voice was nothing but a whisper in the air. “He’s right in front of you.”

It took her a second. Her eyes flicked over his face and Merlin watched as her eyebrows furrowed. Merlin’s heart hammered in his chest and he couldn’t hear anything beyond his own heavy breathing and Morgana’s sharp inhale. She stumbled back, nearly tripping over her feet, her face going slack. “No.”

Merlin slumped against the wall, his hands going to his throat. Morgana backed away, all the anger fading with one smooth movement, and being refilled with pure terror. The look sent shivers down his spine. 

“No. No. _No._ You’re lying.”

Merlin’s heart ached at the sight. “Morgana, please—”

Morgana’s hands gripped at her hair and she spun on her heels, her breaths coming fast. “You’re nothing but a filthy, useless servant. You’re nothing more than that.”

Merlin took a careful step forward, hiding a flinch when Morgana stepped back. He swallowed roughly and met her gaze. “I’m so much more than that.”

He didn’t dare look at the others. He could see Arthur slowly rise from the corner of his eye but he couldn’t bear to see the other reactions. Morgana’s jaw tensed, her entire frame trembling with anger. Or fear. Merlin truly didn’t know.

“Of course. You’re in the air around us and in the sky above. You’re in the earth below me and the blood that runs through my veins. Quite the speech is it?” 

Merlin’s lips curled. “Arthur was just being dramatic.”

Morgana gave a slightly crazed laugh. “No, he wasn’t. I’ve been such a fool.”

“It’s not too late to change, Morgana. I don’t know what you want. The ban is repealed but you don’t seem satisfied.”

“This goes way beyond magic and it’s stupid laws,” Morgana growled. “This is about me and you. Of course. You were always there. From day one. Thwarting my plans at every turn, ruining my entire goddamn _life—_ ”

“You did that fine on your own,” Merlin muttered.

Morgana stalked forward. “I don’t care if you’re my destiny, but I swear on the triple goddess that you will _not_ be my doom.”

Merlin carefully took her in. Her hair was wild around her shoulders and her eyes were crazed and flaring with anger. Something in him broke at the sight. At the frustration and bitterness that practically dripped off her form and puddled at her feet. At the way her mouth seemed to be permanently downturned and her fingernails drew blood at the palms of her hands.

Merlin shook his head, laughing bitterly. “I already am.”

Morgana let out a shaky breath. 

“Morgana—” Arthur started forward.

“You know, don’t you?” Morgana’s voice was nothing but a whisper as she glanced up at Arthur.

Arthur nodded, his expression pained. “I do. I’ve known for some time now. And I’ve made mistakes but I’ve accepted him. I’ve accepted you. I know that I wasn’t a great brother or friend but—”

“Don’t make excuses. Don’t. I don’t care about you.” She turned to Merlin who was watching the short exchange warily. “You’re right. I’m not satisfied. And I won’t be until I see your dead body at my feet.”

Merlin pursed his lips slightly. “You can’t kill me.”

“Watch me.”

_Emrys._

Merlin started at the sudden intrusion. His gaze faltered slightly.

_Mordred?_

Mordred’s voice came echoing back nervously. _Are you alright? Morgana—_

His voice cut off abruptly. Merlin watched as Morgana’s focus slipped off of him and to a point behind him. Her eyes widened and Merlin stifled a groan. 

_If you’re behind me, I’m going to kill you._

“Mordred.” Morgana breathed, her voice filled with shock.

Mordred’s voice went soft in his mind. _Sorry._

“Morgana,” Mordred said, his voice steady.

Merlin glanced to meet Arthur’s gaping face, his eyes filled with a muted type of hope. Mordred took a couple of steps forward until he entered Merlin’s line of vision.

Morgana’s eyes suddenly gleamed. “Mordred. It’s nice to see you again. When was the last time you were here?”

Mordred suddenly looked wildly uncomfortable.

“Oh yes. The last time you were here, Arthur killed your only love, right?”

“How do you even know that?”

Morgana’s lips curled up. “I have my ways. Don’t make the same mistake again. Join me.”

Mordred blinked. “Uh, what?”

Morgana moved forward. “Join me. We were both betrayed and we both seek vengeance. Against Arthur. Against Emrys. Together, we would be unstoppable.”

Merlin looked up to meet Morderd’s gaze. _I had it under control._

Mordred’s face seemed to fall. _I just wanted to help. I know we’re not on the best of terms but—_

“What do you say?”

Mordred looked back at Morgana, his face filled with sadness. “Morgana. Don’t do this. This isn’t going to solve anything.”

“He betrayed you! You put your trust in Emrys and he threw it all away to save his precious king. He doesn’t care about you, Mordred. He never did.” Morgana snarled.

Mordred dragged his gaze over Morgana. “I can’t believe I almost became you. What happened to the kind, strong-willed girl who saved my life all those years ago? Why are you so tortured?”

Morgana pulled back, her face twisting. “I’m not tortured. I’m not something you can pity. Do you really want to side with a man who would see you dead if only Arthur could be alive? You want to side with somebody who will never put you first?”

“And you will? Come on, Morgana. You wouldn’t think twice about abandoning me if it meant you get what you wanted.” Mordred stepped forward, meeting her eyes. “I know where my loyalties lie. And it’s not with you.”

Merlin took a careful step forward. “Morgana—”

She whirled on him. “I don’t want to hear it. Are you happy? You took everything from me. _Everything_. My freedom, my throne, my dragon, and now Mordred?”

“Mordred was never yours.”

“I saved his life. I cared about him. You didn’t give a shit.”

Merlin’s lips curled. “No. I didn’t. We all make mistakes and we all go down darker paths. But it’s up to the people who see the best in us to pull us into the light.”

“I don’t want your fucking pity. I’m not another one of your things to save.”

“I understand. You’re the same girl. You’re the same fierce, stubborn, strong-hearted girl I knew. You just… lost your way. I did too for some time. But I think I found my way back. But I couldn’t have done it without my friends. Don’t push your friends away.”

“We’re not friends. And I’m nothing like the girl you once knew.” Morgana said, her voice going dangerously low. “Watch your back, Emrys. I will stop at nothing until your head is served to me on a golden platter.”

Before Merlin could respond, Morgana vanished in a swirl of black lace and dust. Merlin stood there, shocked for a moment. An unsettling feeling curled at the pit of his stomach.

He turned to Mordred who seemed just as shocked. 

“Well. I guess I should thank you. I almost became her.” 

Merlin only glared back. “What is wrong with you? I never asked you to come here.”

“I only wanted to help. I saw Morgana come here and you—”

Merlin scoffed, looking away. “I don’t need your help, Mordred.”

“What, so your speech about needing friends was bullshit then?”

“We aren’t friends.” Merlin snarled.

“Woah.” Arthur carefully moved forward. “I think we all need to take some deep breaths.”

Mordred rolled his eyes and turned to leave but only paused when Arthur called after him. “Mordred. I wanted to apologize. I know we didn’t leave on the best of terms but I want you to know that you always have a home here in Camelot. You’re pardoned for all and any crimes.”

Mordred looked up, his eyes dark. “I never committed a crime.”

“Technically, plotting to break out a prisoner is treason. Especially for a knight.” Arthur pointed out.

Mordred’s gaze flickered to the other knights before going back to Arthur. “Thanks for the offer, Sire. Now, I must go since clearly, I’m not needed here.”

Merlin sighed. “Go to Gaius.”

“And why would I do that?”

Merlin vaguely gestured at Mordred’s arm. “You’re bleeding. It’s probably a cut from your mad dash to come to my rescue. It’ll get infected easily.”

Mordred looked down, surprised as if he never noticed it. Merlin bit his tongue hard. _I’m sorry. I’m still getting used to all this. Thank you._

Mordred’s lips twitched ever so slightly. He tilted his head towards Merlin and turned to leave. _You’re so not welcome. His chambers are at the east wing, yes?_

Merlin stifled a relieved sigh. _West. Ask a guard or something._

He cut off the telepathy and turned to face Arthur, who was watching him with curious eyes. Merlin only shrugged. “Telepathy. It’s a whole thing.”

“Is it?” Arthur asked. “Are trying to get us all killed? What the hell was that?”

Merlin frowned. “I’m sorry. Here I was thinking I saved your life.”

“You revealed yourself to her. We lost our advantage.” Arthur snapped.

Merlin took a staggering step back. “Our advantage? Am I just a weapon for you to use?”

Arthur leveled a dark look at him. “Don’t even.”

Merlin’s eyes caught onto movement to his right and glanced up to see Lancelot and Gwaine stumble to their feet. Percival and Elyan seemed curious and Leon’s face was carefully blank. Merlin braced himself and let his gaze shift over to Gwen. Her gaze was locked onto Merlin and he hated that he couldn’t read her expression.

Arthur cleared his throat. “I have to check for other damage. Lance, Gwaine, come with me.”

Arthur turned on his heel and left without waiting for their response. Gwaine wrapped into a hug on his way out and Lancelot gave an almost reassuring smile, which warmed Merlin more than he’d like to admit.

“I’ll go help too,” Percival murmured as he rose to his feet. Merlin risked a glance up and Percival just nodded to Merlin before leaving. Leon paused before him, studying him.

“Don’t hurt him again.” His voice was low and steady. “Arthur can’t take any more lies.”

Merlin managed a weak smile. “I don’t plan to.”

Elyan’s eyebrows were furrowed but he clapped Merlin on the back, ducking down to whisper in his ear. “That goes for Gwen too. Talk to her. And we are talking later.”

Merlin glanced up. “I know. Thank you.”

They left quickly and the doors slammed shut, leaving Merlin alone with Gwen. She didn’t move, her gaze falling to the table in front of her. Merlin carefully moved forward. “Gwen—”

“Who is Emrys?” Her voice was nothing but a soft, desolate whisper.

Merlin dropped into the chair beside her, trying to catch her eyes. “I—”

Her head jerked up and Merlin nearly flinched at the coldness in her eyes. “Who is Emrys?”

Merlin swallowed his nervousness. “I am. I’m Emrys.”

“Since when?” Merlin hated the blankness in her voice more than anything. He would rather her yell or hit him. But she seemed as calm as ever.

“Since forever. I was born like this.” Merlin whispered.

Gwen pressed her lips together. “Right.”

Merlin inched closer. “Listen. I’ve wanted to tell you so many times but—”

Merlin broke off, startled as Gwen shoved back her chair standing up. Merlin quickly followed. For a moment, Merlin thought Gwen was going to slap him across the face but instead, she reached over and engulfed him in her arms.

All the breath left Merlin instantly and his knees nearly buckled. A wave of lavender scent washed over Merlin and Gwen pulled her arms tighter, burying her face into his shoulder. Merlin carefully circled his arms around her waist.

After what felt like forever, Gwen pulled back, her eyes shining. “I’m so fucking angry at you.”

Merlin let out a startled laugh. But it tapered off quickly at Gwen’s hard look.

“I’m so sorry.”

Merlin paused, furrowing his eyebrows. “I— what?”

Gwen squeezed his fingers, letting out a breath. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you all these years.”

Merlin blinked. “Are- are you apologizing to me?”

Gwen rolled her eyes. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m very pissed off but I can understand. I just can’t get that look out of my head. When Morgana cornered you and for a moment you just looked so heartbreakingly sad and I can’t believe I missed it.”

“That wasn’t your fault. I should’ve told you but I was caught up with Arthur and other things and I just didn’t want anything to change between us. Everything else seems to be falling apart and I can’t—”

“What did you think was going to change? Even if you couldn’t tell me before, magic is legal now.” Gwen’s voice fell soft.

“I know. I know. It’s just that you were my first and only friend for a while and we were just two simple servants and I didn’t want—” Merlin cut himself off, his throat clogging up.

“Hey. Don’t worry about me. Nothing has to change. You’re still my best friend, servant or not. Magic or not. I mean, clearly, you’ve saved my life before so— oh my god.” Gwen sat up straight. “Were you the one who healed my father?”

Merlin managed a smile. “Yeah. Gaius said it was a bad idea but I had to do something to help.”

“And— and then the enchantment thing with Arthur and I. That old man confessed to a crime that never happened and— that was you.” Gwen suddenly shoved Merlin. “Are you an idiot? We nearly killed you!”

“I’m not that easy to get rid of.” Merlin’s smile turned watery.

“Oh, _oh_ , Merlin.” Gwen pulled him closer. “I’m so sorry you were alone all those years.”

“It’s okay. I have you now, right?”

Gwen frowned. “This doesn’t mean I’m okay with you. I still can’t believe you never told me you were this- this magic incarnate or something. You have to tell me everything.”

“That’s a bit of a long story, Gwen.”

Gwen raised an eyebrow. “We have time. Right?”

Merlin let out a careful sigh. “Yeah. We do.”

Gwen nodded and then punched him. Right across the face. Merlin yelped and nearly tripped over his feet. “Gwen!”

“You deserved that.”

Merlin staggered to his feet, cupping his jaw. “I—”

“That was also stupidly reckless what you did with Morgana. Come on, let’s go.”

Merlin blinked. “Go?”

She pulled his hands away, pressing her cold fingertips to the tender skin. “It’s going to bruise. Let’s go to Gaius.”

Merlin stared at her. “I can’t believe you.”

Gwen shot him a sickly sweet smile. “Love you too.”

* * *

“Are you staying?”

Mordred paused, glancing up. Arthur looked wildly uncomfortable and Mordred had to stifle a chuckle. “Not now. I’m going to go visit some of my old family. I’ll visit though.”

Arthur nodded. “Of course. I truly am sorry for what happened to Kara. I hope that one day you can forgive me.”

“I’m not Merlin. Typically, when someone murders the girl I love, I don’t forgive them, no matter how justified.” Mordred gathered the food and kits that Gaius had set out for him and packed it up. 

Arthur winced softly. “Right. Well, I—”

“Arthur.” Mordred cut him off. “It’s alright. Don’t stress yourself. You look like you’re going to faint. I understand. Just let it go.”

Arthur pressed his lips together. “I just— I hope that you don’t pose a threat to Camelot. I understand that I wronged you but my people have done nothing.”

“I’m not joining Morgana. Besides, even if I did choose to attack, Merlin would easily win. No contest. There’s no physical threat that Emrys can’t defend against.”

The door suddenly opened and Merlin and Gwen stumbled in, laughing. A dark bruise was blooming on Merlin’s jaw and Gwen looked mildly apologetic, though proud of herself.

“Did Gwen punch you?” Arthur demanded.

Merlin winced. “What? No.”

“I most definitely did.” Gwen pulled away and reached over to grab some tonic for the bruise.

Mordred raised his eyebrows. “Well, I take that back. He can defend himself against anything except a punch in the jaw.” 

Merlin smoothed the gel over his jaw and shot Mordred a look. “Weren’t you leaving?”

“Don’t worry yourself. I’m not going to kill your king the few moments we’re left alone.” Mordred slung his bag over his shoulder.

 _Don’t joke about that._ Merlin’s voice suddenly went hard and echoed in his mind.

Mordred met his gaze. _I’m not joking._

“Are you doing the telepathy thing again? That’s already becoming so annoying.” Arthur’s nose wrinkled.

“Good thing I’m leaving then. Let me know if you need anything, Merlin. Morgana’s crafty and you need all the help you can get.” Mordred offered a small smile and then pushed past Gwen to leave.

Gwen blinked, watching him leave. “I always liked him. He has magic?”

“You remember the small druid boy we saved years ago?”

Gwen gasped. “Oh my god, he’s that Mordred?”

“I don’t know why you all suddenly forgot this. It’s like only Morgana and I remember the boy.” Merlin mused.

Arthur moved forward. “What the hell are you doing, Merlin? You’re getting the tonic everywhere but the actual bruise.”

Merlin blinked and pulled his hand away from where he was unconsciously rubbing his skin.

“Idiot,” Arthur muttered and grabbed the tonic to apply it himself. Merlin’s breath hitched as Arthur moved close enough for him to count every last eyelash. 

Gwen stifled a laugh and shot Merlin an over-exaggerated wink. “I’ll leave.”

Arthur massaged the skin lightly and pulled away, seemingly unaware of how hard Merlin’s heart was pounding. His hands trailed down to his neck, where the skin was tender from Morgana’s hard grip. “You bruise so easily. Now we have to talk about what happened with Morgana.”

Merlin looked away, willing the flush from his cheeks to leave. “She’ll be back. We just have to be ready next time. And I have to be at your side.”

Arthur frowned. “I—”

“I have to protect you. This is not just a simple threat. It’s Morgana and you cannot fight her.”

“What are you saying?”

“Your chambers are a mess. And I heard you’ve been exceptionally bored during court meetings.”

Arthur took a step back. “No.”

“Arthur—”

“I’m not doing this again. We agreed—”

“I know what we agreed but I have to protect you. I won’t interfere alright? I can’t let Morgana get to you.” Merlin pleaded. “I obviously can’t be there for everything but I need a reason to be by your side.”

“No. I have George.”

“Why are you so against me being your servant again? I’ll stay out of political matters and I’ll leave it alone. Just let me—”

“I’m not saying you can’t protect me, alright? Just, I- you’re not my servant, anymore. You’re Emrys. This hero and god and you have no place emptying my chamber pots.”

Merlin scoffed. “I’ve done that the past eight years. Me being Emrys doesn’t change anything. I’m not a hero or a god, alright? If I want to serve you then—”

“Then you serve me by protecting me. Not washing my socks. There are better things for you to be doing.” Arthur snapped. “You’re not becoming my servant again, end of discussion.”

Merlin pressed his lips together, falling silent. Part of him knew that there was another reason Arthur didn't want him. He tried not to think about it.

“Where’s Aithusa?”

Merlin looked up. “Aithusa? She’s out somewhere. Why?”

“I was just wondering. You’re other dragon, Kilgat or something?”

Merlin snorted. “Kilgharrah?”

“Yeah. Where is he?”

“We’re not actually on speaking terms right now,” Merlin muttered, rocking back on his heels.

“I want to meet him.”

Merlin froze. “No. Absolutely not.”

Arthur crossed his arms over his chest. “I wasn’t asking. Take me to him.”

“Why?”

“I just have some questions about my father and the purge. Questions that hopefully, he can answer.”

“And you can’t ask me.”

Arthur leveled a look at him. “No. I can’t. Take me to him.”

“Jeez, I forgot how bossy you were,” Merlin muttered.

Arthur just grinned and walked past Merlin, his head held high. Merlin waited for a moment. He closed his eyes and prayed to all the gods he knew. Five tortuously long seconds passed before the yell echoed through the castle. And for a moment, the tension in his shoulders melted and he smiled.

“ _Merlin!_ ”

_\--0-o-0--_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be honest with you, I have no idea where this is going. Hopefully, it's not shifting from the merlin/arthur focus too much. Morgana's story isn't over yet so the next installment will have more but I hope this is actually going somewhere. I don't want to rush merlin/arthur too much but I also don't want to unnecessarily drag it out and I'm still kind of figuring out that balance. This one also just focused on Gwen's reaction to Merlin's magic but I might go more in-depth with the others next time (or not idk).
> 
> I might actually just add another chapter to this instead of making a whole other installment so stay tuned.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this and as usual, let me know what you think in the comments!!


	2. part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhh i hope there aren't any errors in this bc i read over it, like, once.

“Rule number one.” Merlin held up a finger, leveling a dark look at Arthur. “Don’t listen to him. He talks in riddles and he doesn’t care about you.”

Arthur crossed his arms, rolling his eyes.

“Rule number two: Don’t piss him off. I’m tired and I really don’t want to deal with it so you have to be civil.”

“Oh my god, Merlin. Is this really necessary? Just call him.” Arthur said, looking bored out of his mind.

“Rule number three: If he’s going to say something that you don’t like or particularly agree with, you don’t argue with him. You tell me and I’ll tell him to leave.” Merlin continued. “Number four: I’m going to call him, and you will make no comment until he’s here. Okay?”

Arthur raised an eyebrow. “Okay. Call him.”

Merlin took in a breath and closed his eyes, trying to block out Arthur’s presence. And then he yelled. _ “O drakon, e male so ftengometta tesd'hup'anankes!” _

Merlin waited for a moment and then cracked his eyes open. Arthur’s jaw was dropped. Oddly his cheeks were flushed red, his pupils blown wide.

Merlin looked away, rocking back on his heels.

Arthur cleared his throat. “That was—”

“Rule number four. No comment. He’ll be here soon.” Merlin interrupted.

Arthur snapped his mouth shut, looking away. After what felt like an eternity, Merlin could hear the flapping of wings in the distance. He watched as Kilgharrah landed before them, ever so gracefully. His head bowed down and Merlin let out a quiet breath, watching from the corner of his eye as Arthur stumbled back.

“Kilgharrah.”

“Merlin.” The dragon greeted, his eyes molten and blank. “I didn’t think I’d see you again.”

Merlin snorted. “Me neither. Unfortunately, the king wants to speak with you.”

Kilghrrah’s gaze shifted over to Arthur, whose eyes were wide and guarded. “Arthur Pendragon. It is a pleasure to meet you.”

Merlin watched as Arthur’s throat bobbed nervously. “I would say the same but the last we met you were destroying my kingdom.”

Kilgharrah laughed, low and rumbling. “That is true. After all, the last I saw of your kingdom before your father caged me up, was the death of all my kin, save for one. Do you really blame me?”

Arthur took a careful step forward. “Yes. My people did nothing. They were not to be blamed for my father’s actions.”

“You don’t agree with your father?”

“No. He was wrong. And I’m sorry for all that you and your kin have gone through. But you are not welcome in Camelot.”

“Don’t worry, young king, Merlin made sure of that.” Kilgharrah mused, settling onto the ground. “Why have you called me here, Merlin? I was under the impression you no longer valued my advice.”

“I don’t. Arthur has some questions and you are the only one I know who can answer.” Merlin stepped closer to Arthur. “No riddles and no games.”

When Arthur didn’t speak up, Merlin nudged him. Arthur inhaled sharply, seemingly forgetting all he planned on asking. “Um, I—”

“You’ve come with questions about your father and your destiny,” Kilgharrah stated.

Arthur swallowed, taking a slow step forward. “Yes. I wanted to know what my destiny was.”

“And Merlin didn’t tell you?”

“He said something about uniting the lands but I wanted to hear it from somebody else.” Arthur tilted his chin up, but Merlin could see the slight trembling.

“You are destined to unite the five kingdoms into Albion. The golden age of peace and prosperity. And Merlin is to lead you there.”

Arthur frowned. “I can’t do it without him?”

“You are two sides of the same coin, young king. Nothing you do is done alone. Without Merlin, you will fail. And without you, so will Merlin.”

Arthur furrowed his eyebrows and shot Merlin a glance. “I want to talk to him.”

Merlin stared. “Isn’t that what you’re doing?”

“Alone,” Arthur stated, his eyes wide and urging.

“Oh, hell no. You’re not talking to him alone.”

Arthur crossed his arms over his chest. “I think he’s done with trying to kill me. Just go a couple of dozen feet. You’ll still see us.”

“But I can’t hear.”

“Merlin.”

Merlin sucked in a breath and glanced up at Kilgharrah, who was watching the exchange with curious eyes. “Fine. Just.. half of what he says is pure bull anyway so don’t take it too seriously.”

“I think I can make that judgment for myself, Merlin. Go.”

Merlin hesitated, backing away. “Are you sure? Because—”

Arthur shot him a dark look and Merlin jogged away, his heart heavy and filled with fear.

* * *

Merlin jumped to his feet as Arthur started to storm away from Kilgharrah. He jogged over. “Arthur. Hey, what—”

Arthur shoved past him. Merlin looked back up at the dragon. “What the hell did you say to him?”

“The truth, young warlock. It’s not my fault if he can’t handle it.”

Merlin let out a loud groan. “Thanks a lot.”

He turned on his heel and rushed after Arthur, not checking to see if Kilgharrah had left or not. “Arthur!”

Arthur mumbled something under his breath and pulled himself up onto his horse. Merlin stilled the horse with a touch. “Look, I don’t know what he said to you but—”

“Leave it, Merlin. Let’s go home.” 

Merlin mounted his own horse and rode after him, falling into line. “What did you talk about?”

“It’s none of your business,” Arthur muttered, pulling ahead.

“It kind of is. Arthur, really–”

Arthur pulled on his reins and came to a sudden stop. “We’re going to see Aithusa tomorrow.”

“Uh, why?”

“Do I need a reason?” Arthur asked as he pulled ahead again, leaving Merlin alone.

Merlin cursed and went after him. But no matter how hard he tried, Arthur refused to tell him what he talked to Kilgharrah about. And that was more unsettling than anything.

* * *

Merlin jumped when the door slammed open. Arthur stood there, dressed up in chainmail and with his sword at his side. “Come on, Merlin.”

Arthur’s eyes drifted from Merlin to the other figure in the room.

“Well, hello to you too, Princess.” Gwaine drawled, leaning back against the bed frame.

Arthur took a startled step back. “Gwaine. What— what are you doing here?”

“What are you doing here? Don’t you have kingly duties to get to?”

“I don’t see why I have to explain myself.” Arthur snapped.

Gwaine simply smirked. “Likewise. It’s not like these are your chambers.”

Merlin reached over and gripped Gwaine’s arm, silently telling him to be quiet. “Did you need something, Arthur?”

Arthur’s eyes flicked from Gwaine to Merlin and then to the book that was open between them. “Is that a spellbook?”

“He’s teaching me magic.”

Arthur frowned. Why the hell was Merlin teaching Gwaine of all people?

“Don’t get your knickers in a twist. It’s not like we’re doing anything illegal.”

“Gwaine,” Merlin warned, and then turned back to Arthur. “Can I help you?”

Arthur locked eyes with Gwaine. Gwaine raised an eyebrow, his expression overly smug, and sent a wave of anger through him. “We’re going to see Aithusa.”

Merlin blinked. “Now?”

“You’re not busy or anything. I doubt Gwaine actually has magic.”

Gwaine mock-gasped. “I beg to differ.”

Merlin snorted. “Don’t kid yourself, Gwaine. I’m either a terrible teacher or you don’t have magic.”

Gwaine’s eyes twinkled as he swayed closer to Merlin. “Well, then. I must not have magic since you are a brilliant teacher.”

Merlin rolled his eyes but his smile was fond. Arthur suddenly felt like he was intruding on a private moment. He cleared his throat. “Then you’ll have no problem leaving right now?”

“Trust me when I say that it’s not a good idea to visit her before noon.” Gwaine laughed. “Merlin and I made that mistake a few days ago and she nearly burnt my hair off.”

Merlin grinned. “Right. Your gorgeous hair. That would’ve been tragic.”

Something cold curled in his chest. “You’ve taken Gwaine?”

Merlin looked up, surprised. “Oh yeah. We’ve gone a few times.”

“Have you seen the other dragon? It’s fucking huge.” Gwaine exclaimed, his eyes bright and mischievous.

“I have.” Arthur snapped. “So when do we go?”

Merlin’s eyebrows furrowed slightly. “We can go after lunch. Gwaine here is being stubborn.”

“Gwaine isn’t a sorcerer.”

Gwaine’s lips curled up and he grabbed the spellbook. “How about you say that again after I turn your hair pink.”

Arthur’s face twisted into something ugly. “You can’t do that.”

Gwaine locked eyes with Merlin and then glanced up, raising his hand towards Arthur. He whispered a spell and for a moment, Arthur wondered whether Gwaine really did have magic. But his eyes stayed its chocolate brown.

He let out a breath. “Like I said, no magic.”

Gwaine simply grinned, looking overly pleased with himself. “Say that to a mirror, Arthur.”

Merlin stifled a laugh behind his fist and Arthur froze. “I’m not an idiot, Gwaine. Your eyes didn’t turn gold.”

Gwaine bit the inside of his cheek, shrugging like he didn’t care. Arthur’s curiosity eventually got the better of him and he drew his sword.

Gwaine pushed back, nearly falling on top of Merlin. “Woah, princess. No need to kill me over pink hair.”

And sure enough, in the shiny reflection of the blade, was bright pink hair that clashed terribly with Arthur’s skin. Merlin lost it, and he doubled over laughing. Arthur’s eyes slipped from his own reflection to where Merlin gripped Gwaine’s thigh. “How did you— what the hell?”

Merlin’s eyes crinkled at the edges and Arthur finally understood. “Oh my god. Merlin. Change it back.”

Merlin glanced up, his face innocent. “What?”

“Change it back.”

“I’m afraid you have to ask Gwaine, Sire. I didn’t do that.” Merlin’s lips trembled with silent laughter. 

Arthur swallowed the lump in his throat at the look Gwaine and Merlin shared and he was suddenly out of place. Like he didn’t belong here. And it made Arthur more uncomfortable than pink hair ever would.

“Merlin.” It took all of his willpower to keep his voice steady. “Change it back.”

Merlin, thankfully, seemed to realize that Arthur wasn’t joking. His eyes flooded gold and Arthur watched the pink melt into his blonde in his reflection.

Gwaine moaned. “Aw, Merlin. I think he pulled it off.”

Merlin didn’t reply, his gaze worried. “Arthur. Are you—”

“I’ll see you in the citadel after lunch. Don’t enjoy yourself too much.” Arthur bit out and turned on his heel to leave.

He looked up and for the split second before he closed the door he met Gwaine’s gaze. All the laughter had faded from his eyes and was replaced with an almost challenging look. A smug look as if to rub in the fact that he was no longer the number one person in Merlin’s life. 

Kilgharrah’s words from the night before echoed in his mind. 

_ Careful, Arthur Pendragon. Destiny and choice are intertwined and woven together. You are his destiny but it’s up to him whether you’re his choice. _

Arthur had nearly laughed when he heard it. It didn’t make any sense. But right now, he understood. Merlin was destined to make Arthur a great king no matter what. But Merlin chose to love him. Arthur wondered when the time would come that he would stop. When was it that Merlin would get tired of waiting and choose someone else?

The door shut and Arthur stood there with his forehead pressed against the wood. After a couple of seconds, there was a sudden bout of laughter from inside. And Arthur was gone before he could hear anything else.

* * *

The trek to Aithusa was silent. Merlin led the way and Arthur desperately wanted to start a conversation but Merlin was usually the one who never shut up. He wondered if Merlin would be this quiet if someone else had come along. Someone like  _ Gwaine _ . Arthur clenched his teeth and forced himself to trudge on. After what felt like an eternity, Merlin slowed down. 

“She should be around here somewhere. She took a particular liking to the cave a dozen feet down but I doubt she'll be there when the sun is out.” Merlin said, coming to a stop in a small clearing. 

Arthur looked around. “So are you going to the same dragon call you did yesterday?”

Merlin didn’t respond, calling out. “ _ O’ drakon!” _

“How does she know you’re calling her and not Kilgharrah?” 

Merlin frowned. “She’ll know. She’s young but she always answers my calls.  _ Aithusa _ !”

There was no response. Merlin furrowed his eyebrows and jogged down the cave. It was empty. “Aithusa?”

Arthur pressed a hand to the cool stone wall. “Where is she?”

Merlin tilted his head to the side, his eyes flaring gold. Merlin looked around and then his eyes returned to their normal blue. His lips parted slightly, his expression going dark. “Oh no.”

Arthur took a careful step forward but Merlin was bolting from the cave and back out into the sunlight, his voice loud and growling the still air. “ _ O drakon e male so ftengometta. _ ” Merlin’s voice cracked. “Aithusa.”

“Merlin? What—”

“You need to go.”

Arthur froze. “What? What’s wrong? Where is she?”

Merlin cursed under his breath and shoved his pack into Arthur’s hands. “There’s a map in there if you get lost. You find your own way back, yeah?”

“Merlin. What the hell is going on?”

“I— shit.” Merlin backed up, his breaths coming heavy. “Look, I— I have to go get her.”

“From where? I’m coming with you.”

“No, you’re not.”

Arthur shoved the bag back to Merlin. “Yes, I am. I’m not letting you go alone.”

“You belong in Camelot. I’ll be back. Don’t follow me.” Merlin let the bag drop to the ground.

“Merlin!” Arthur yelled, lunging forward, but he was already gone, disappearing into ash.

* * *

Merlin was going to kill Morgana. Screw the part of him that wanted to make things right, he was going to flay her alive. Merlin sought Aithusa’s presence with startling ease and appeared in a large rocky valley. Merlin took a careful step forward. The entire place seemed to be closed off, with only one entrance. One exit.

Merlin inhaled and was about to call out when Aithusa came in. She’d healed over the past few weeks enough that she could walk and fly with ease but Merlin still had yet to get her to speak. Merlin rushed forward and knelt down, smoothing a hand over her pearly white scales. “Aithusa.”

“Aww. What a heart-warming reunion.” 

Merlin didn’t look up, expecting her voice. He checked over Aithusa. “Did she hurt you?”

Morgana clucked her tongue. “Come on. Aithusa.”

Aithusa backed up and it took all of Merlin’s willpower to not command her to stay. Morgana cooed softly. “Look at that. Even after weeks, she still chooses me.”

Merlin swallowed the lump in his throat and stood up. 

“Whatever happened to taking care of her?” Morgana drawled. “It took you nearly twenty-four hours to even notice she was gone. I thought it was your job to protect her.”

Merlin looked to the side, sucking in a sharp breath. The guilt weighed heavy. “How did you get past the protection spell?”

“It was weak, Merlin. For all you’ve boasted about your powers, it was rather easy to break. Or were you just distracted?” Morgana moved forward, calm.

Merlin dug his tongue into his cheek. “Let her go, Morgana. Aithusa isn’t yours to steal and keep.”

“Right. She belongs to the earth. To nature, to  _ magic _ . It’s a shame that magic isn’t able to take care of her.”

Merlin took a step forward. “And you can? It’s because of you that she’s crippled, Morgana. That’s not taking care of her.”

Morgana let out a startled laugh. “Don’t blame me for your mistakes. You abandoned her. You brought her into this world and then you left her to rot. Don’t tell me this is my fault when you’re the one who pushed her away and refused to help her. When you’re the one who didn’t deem her worth your time.”

Morgana's eyes were cold as flint and it slowly dawned on Merlin that Morgana wasn’t just talking about Aithusa.

“You’re right. I left Aithusa. But trust me, she was better off surviving on her own in the wild than being under your care.”

“I didn’t go out and search for her. Aithusa saved my life. She found me.”

Merlin frowned. “She— she what?”

“After you thwarted another one of my plans to get Camelot, I was left injured. And Aithusa found me. And she clearly saw someone worth saving.”

The _ ‘unlike you’ _ was unspoken and infuriated Merlin. “You think I didn’t try? This isn’t even about Aithusa anymore, alright? I did everything I could to help you—”

“Did you? And telling me you had magic never crossed your mind?”

“That's all I ever thought about. Every day, I wonder if things would’ve been different. But I didn’t. What do you want me to do about that? I can’t go back to make things right and even if I could, I had no obligation to tell you, anyway.”

Morgana stalked forward, snarling. “No obligation? You didn’t think that telling your terrified friend that you weren’t alone would’ve helped? You know how it felt to live in Camelot like that. My own father would’ve killed me if he knew who I truly was.”

“And he would’ve killed me as well. But I was just a servant. It was always your word against mine and I—”

Morgana scoffed bitterly. “You never trusted me? You thought that I would kill one of my own? I think you’re mistaking me for yourself, Merlin.”

Merlin stopped dead in his tracks. “Excuse me?”

Morgana tilted her chin up, eyes hard and challenging. “You heard me.”

“That’s what this is about. Because I poisoned you? Come on, Morgana. You don’t know shit about what happened that day.”

Morgana raised an eyebrow. “Oh? Then enlighten me. Because from my point of view, my best friend tried to kill me—”

“Do you even know why? Or did Morgouse give you some bullshit excuse about how I wanted you dead?” Merlin demanded.

“You do want me dead.”

Merlin moved forward. “What did she tell you? Did she say I was betraying you? That I hated you because of your magic or something? Because even if you believed that before, you must know that it makes no sense.”

Morgana let out a harsh breath. “The reason doesn’t matter. The point is that you were willing to kill me, someone who I thought you considered a friend, to get what you wanted.”

“What I wanted was to save the hundreds of innocent lives in Camelot. You were the one killing them, Morgana. You were the source of the enchantment. It wasn’t your magic that kept you awake. I had no other choice.”

“You always have a choice, Merlin.” Morgana snapped. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Merlin laughed. “Tell you that I was planning on killing you? I never wanted to hurt you. It’s my job to make sure that Camelot is safe and when you threatened that, I had to do something. I didn't know whose side you were on. I didn’t know what was going through your head.”

Morgana clenched her teeth together. “All I know is that through everything, you betrayed me first.”

“And I’ve never regretted anything more. I did all I could and bribed Morgouse with the antidote so she could take down the enchantment. It wasn’t me who betrayed you, it was Morgouse. She lied to you.”

Morgana backed away. “No. Morgouse was the only one who listened to me. She took me in and she taught me how to control myself and my magic, which was something you never bothered to do.”

“Fine. You want to know the truth?” Merlin growled. “I did try to kill you. And if it means keeping a hundred innocent people alive, I’d do it again. I would choose all of Camelot over you any day. No hesitations. That’s the way the world works. And if killing you will save Camelot from your reign, then I’m more than willing to do it right now. Don’t fucking test me.”

Morgana fell silent. Her gaze dropped to Aithusa and then back up to Merlin. “I could say the same to you. You underestimate me, Merlin. You always have.”

“I don’t want to fight, Morgana. Please.” Merlin’s voice went soft and pleading.

Morgana clenched her fists. “Me neither. But I’m sick and tired of this. I’m sick and tired of you. So I’m ending it. Today.”

“I’m afraid you’re under some sort of delusion if you believe that you can kill me.”

Morgana’s lips curled up slightly. “Would you like to find out?”

_ \--0-o-0-- _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok ok ok i kind of feel like i just smashed a bunch of random scenes together but that's okay. i wasn't expecting this to be a three-part but the next chapter will be the last, i promise. i just had to add some bamf merlin + morgana so sue me.
> 
> hope this wasn't too hastily put together lol. lmk how it was and I'll try to post the last chapter sometime this week.


	3. part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do you ever write something and your fingers just type away and come up with stuff and you decide to leave it because you like to make people suffer? because me too. i love you guys, and i'm so sorry.

Of all things Merlin expected Morgana to do, pulling out a sword wasn’t one of them. He took one look at it and knew that it wasn’t a mortal blade. It glinted gold in the low light and Merlin took a stumbled step back. 

Silently apologizing to Arthur, he reached out and focused on Excalibur's energy. Morgana twirled the sword in a way that reminded him achingly of Arthur’s usual moves. Morgana lunged and Merlin brought up Excalibur just in time to block the blow. If she was surprised by the sudden appearance, she didn’t show it. 

Merlin stepped closer. “Going the easy way, huh? We both know you're the better sword fighter.”

Morgana raised an eyebrow. “Am I?”

She pulled back and launched herself forward. Merlin yelped and pushed back, channeling all of Arthur’s lessons and training. He growled and shoved forward with his magic, knocking Morgana off her feet. “Come on. You wanted to end this, do it the right way. Or are you scared you can’t beat me with magic?”

Morgana pulled herself to her feet, backing away. “I’m not scared.”

Merlin stalked forward. “Bold words, Morgana. Think you’ll stick to them?”

Morgana’s suddenly flared gold and Merlin was shoved back to the ground. The sky rumbled and for a moment, Merlin realized that Morgana was more powerful than he thought. She was still no match for him though. He launched himself to his feet, his magic sparking over his skin. Morgana yelled out a spell and thrust her hands up. The air around them went cold and misty. “Still underestimating me, are you?”

She grabbed her sword and tackled Merlin to the ground. Merlin rolled them over and Excalibur flew into his grip. Before he could strike, Morgana threw him off and Merlin scrambled back just in time to miss a bolt of pure lightning that burnt the ground before him. Morgana rose to her feet, eyes murderous. Merlin gasped and moved back, his heart pounding.

Morgana twirled her sword and moved forward. “I could kill you right now.”

Merlin raised his chin up, letting a smile curl at the edges of his lips. “What are you waiting for?”

“I expected more from you, Emrys. Are you already giving up?”

A laugh tore from Merlin’s throat. “Giving up?” He carefully rose to his feet, stumbling slightly. “I thought you knew me better than that. I don’t give up.”

Merlin scooped up Excalibur and lunged. Morgana caught the strike on the hilt of her sword and shoved them into a standstill. Merlin inched closer for more leverage until they were inches apart. Morgana raised an eyebrow. “I guess that’s one thing we have in common.”

“We have a lot in common, Morgana. We’re the same.”

Morgana laughed bitterly, pushing even closer. Merlin’s foothold nearly slipped as he was forced to readjust. “Why are you holding back?”

“Excuse me?”

“I’m not stupid, Merlin. You’re more powerful than this. Why are you holding back?” Morgana snarled.

Merlin met her gaze. “Maybe there’s a part of me that still wants to work things out.”

“This is far beyond that. Fight me, you coward.”

Merlin raised an eyebrow. “Are you asking me to kill you?”

“You still think I can’t beat you?” Morgana asked.

Merlin pulled back, abruptly, causing Morgana to stumble. “I’m still alive, aren’t I?”

Morgana stared at him almost curiously. When she didn’t reply, Merlin stood up straighter. “Come on, then. Let’s end this.”

Morgana hesitated for a single second before throwing her magic forward, barely giving Merlin enough time to bring up a shield. Merlin skidded back, dust clouding around his feet. Morgana suddenly started to chant, darkness falling around them. Merlin stumbled back but this time when Morgana hurled a spell towards him, it shattered his shield like glass, slamming Merlin into the ground. 

Morgana stalked forward, terrifying beautiful. Her eyes were sharp and molten gold and her lips were pulled back in a snarl. Merlin scampered backward, his entire world tilting dangerously to the side. Merlin had power. Pure brute strength. But the one thing Merlin didn’t have was training. And Morgana clearly made up for that. Her movements were precise and planned out where Merlin’s were chaotic and purely instinctual. As much as Gaius taught him, he didn’t know how to fight. And Morgana clearly knew that.

“It’s a shame, really. All that power wasted on someone who can’t even use it. You know, on one hand, I thank you. If you hadn’t abandoned me, I never would’ve learned how to use my magic.” Morgana raised her chin up. “All you and the Druids would have taught me were party tricks. But Morgouse taught me so much more.”

“Morgause manipulated you. She was using you to get what she wanted.” Merlin said, his palms scraping painfully on the gritty rocks beneath him.

“She believed in me. She taught me everything I know and you killed her.” Morgana’s voice rose to a yell, her eyes feral.

“She wanted power. She wanted Camelot and the only reason she kept you alive was because of your royal blood. She didn’t care about you, Morgana. Magic is not meant to be used like this.”

Morgana growled, the sky rumbling along with her. “You know nothing of magic. You could be so much more than this, Merlin. Instead, you choose to lower yourself into a shadow. A mere fragment of what you could be.”

Merlin carefully pushed himself to his feet, giving a spare glance at Aithusa, who seemed to be pinned into place, conflicted. “At least I know who I am.”

“Do you? You’ve spent so long hiding behind Arthur and suppressing who you are. Aren’t you lonely? Surrounded by people who could never understand. Arthur kicked you out. He found you and cast you away.” Morgana’s voice trembled with emotion. “He might have legalized magic but you’re not free. If Arthur truly accepted you, why hasn’t he done anything more? With the druids or with you? He knows nothing of magic and he wants to keep it that way.”

“He’s learning. He’s making changes.”

Morgana tilted her head. “You can tell yourself that all you want. Face it, Merlin. He never wanted magic so close to him. Why else would he push you away?”

“Because I lied to him for ten years. I don’t blame him.” Merlin whispered.

“You don’t? Don’t kid yourself, Merlin. You’re angry. You know why you lied to him. You know the things that he’s done. It’s not just Uther. Arthur was always there as a puppet. He encouraged it and fed it and is just as guilty.” Morgana moved closer. “You’re blaming it on yourself because you don’t want to come to terms with it.”

“He’s made mistakes—”

“That doesn’t excuse his actions,” Morgana yelled. “He’s not fit to be on the throne when he knows nothing of what he’s doing. We need someone on that throne to rule the people of Camelot like they deserve to be ruled. Someone like me. Or you.”

Merlin took a staggering step back. “What?”

“You wanted to make things right. With the druids and with me. Take the throne. You know exactly what it feels like. You understand. Arthur doesn’t.”

Merlin let out a strangled laugh. “Enough. I’m not joining you, Morgana. Cut the small talk.”

Morgana raised an eyebrow but Merlin had enough. He gathered all the anger and the bitterness and frustration that welled up in him and threw it all at Morgana. Morgana blocked the spell and backed up. “Come on, Merlin. You deserve more.”

She reared up and yelled out a spell, a sharp stab of lighting scorching the ground between them. “You deserve to be true to who you are. Not to creep around Arthur because he can’t accept you.”

Merlin launched forward, wrapping his fists around the air in before him, and yanked, sweeping Morgana off her feet. “You know nothing about Arthur. You don’t have to understand to be king. All you have to do is understand that you don’t understand and surround yourself with people who do.”

Morgana let out a crazed laugh, rising to her feet. “Then why the hell is he pushing you away?”

Magic had been swirling the air the moment Merlin had stepped out onto the field but everything seemed to be weighing down. It was thick and churning and just begging to be used. The wind blew harshly around them as if they were trapped in the middle of a tornado and Merlin, for the life of him, didn’t know whose magic stirred it up.

The air was dark, lit up only by the lightning and rumbling thunder that shook Merlin to his very bones. Morgana’s words seemed to echo around and within and bounced across every known surface to shoot itself back at Merlin.

Morgana’s eyes grew wide at the storm as she stumbled back. But there was an almost feral glint in her eyes. A challenging one. 

She stepped forward, suddenly graceful through the whipping air. “Do you feel it? The power, the adrenaline that’s rushing through your veins. I can’t imagine what it’s like for you. What it’s like for magic itself to go free.”

Morgana’s words were soft but so, _so_ achingly loud. Every harsh blow of air stung his skin but Merlin’s eyes were clear. “Arthur is the Once and Future King. Not you and certainly not me.”

Morgana ignored his words, simply moving through the storm. “It’s freeing, isn’t it? All the anger and vexation that’s been building and building since the very beginning. You’re wrong. This is exactly what magic is. It’s dangerous and powerful and can destroy the whole world if you’re not careful.”

Something was wrong. So very wrong. Merlin usually had a sound hold on his magic but the gold seemed to pour through his veins and out of his reach. Morgana knelt down in front of him. Merlin didn’t know when he’d crashed to the ground. 

“It’s alright. Just let yourself go.” Morgana’s voice was nothing but a breath in his ear.

“What are you doing to me?” Merlin gritted out, trying to think over the thunder that rumbled in the sky and through his head. “Stop it. Stop it.”

“I’m showing you what you’re capable of. I’m showing everyone. You’re not normal, Merlin. You don’t belong next to Arthur or under his reign. Arthur may be king but you are magic itself. You can do so much more.”

Merlin jerked up and staggered to his feet. The ground was slippery beneath him and he felt as if he was trapped in the middle of the ocean. Waves upon waves crashed over him and churned him around and Merlin was helpless to its will. To Morgana’s will. 

_Emrys. It’s okay._

Merlin jerked at the echo. No. No. _No._

_You’re holding yourself back. Just let go. Listen to her. You’re going to kill yourself._

A gasp ripped from Merlin’s throat.

“You know it. I know it. You’ve failed so many times. This is your chance to make things right.” Morgana’s voice came from all around and nearly drowned out the one in his head. Nearly.

_Merlin. Merlin, you absolute clotpole._

The world slipped, the ground slamming into his back. Every single sense was heightened and alert. The air was wet and so was his skin. It smelt like rain and thunder and sweat. The pressure seemed to increase every second and push him further and further into himself and he couldn’t—

_Hey, love. Just listen to my voice, yeah? It’s just me._

It’s just him. With his perfect smirks and sparkling eyes and—

“He can’t help you.” Morgana snarled, gripping his skin. “He doesn’t understand.”

_I’m sorry. For everything. I’ve been an idiot. We both have._

All the air was sucked from Merlin’s lungs and this throat was closing up and he couldn’t breathe—

_Let me in. I want to hold you close. But for some reason, I keep pushing you away. I don’t know what I’m doing. Just, please—_

Morgana’s nails dug into his arm, and something wet bubbled on the surface. Magic sparked over his skin but no matter how far he reached, it seemed to dance away.

_If there’s a single part of you that still loves me. If there’s a part of you that still believes in me, then, please. Please, I’m begging you, Merlin. Don’t lose yourself._

“Together,” She snarled, “we could rule the world.”

_Stay with me._

Merlin wrenched his eyes open and was met with gold. 

_Stay with me and I’ll never let you go again._

Morgana’s lips curled, his face dark and ashen. “Come on, Merlin. After everything he’s done, do you think he deserves it? After all the pain and—”

Merlin wrapped his fingers around Morgana’s wrist and twisted it hard. He barely heard the crack beneath her skin and the cry that tore from her mouth. “I wouldn’t expect you to know anything about love.”

Morgana's eyes widened but it was too late. Merlin snapped— like a tree branch or glass that was shattered against a marble floor— and the world exploded into flames.

* * *

Arthur wasn’t always in tune with magic. But he could feel the moment it happened. He wouldn’t have been surprised if the entire world did. Magic rippled over them and Arthur was nearly knocked off his feet from the force of it. 

Mordred gripped his arm, his eyes screwed shut. “I can’t sense him.”

“What? Can he still hear me?”

Mordred shook his head. “No. I can’t— I can usually feel his energy. That was definitely his magic but I can’t sense him anymore.”

Arthur swallowed the lump in his throat and looked over the valley. “We have to find him.”

“How? He could be anywhere. It was pure luck I managed to secure a connection with him in the first place.” Mordred let out a breath. “It was terrifying. Morgana’s magic is more powerful than I thought.”

“But—”

A sudden screech echoed across the valley. A sound that they both recognized instantly. “Aithusa.”

Arthur broke into a run, Mordred on his heels. After what could’ve been a few hours or days, Arthur caught sight of her blinding white scales. She was prowling a narrow path as if waiting for Arthur to arrive. The moment Arthur stepped in, Aithusa snapped her head up. She growled and backed up. 

Arthur crept forward but Mordred was faster, skidding to his knees next to her. “Aithusa. Hey, girl. Are you alright?”

She whimpered and looked up to the small pathway that cleared and opened up to something wider. Mordred followed her gaze. “Merlin.”

Arthur pushed past them and burst through the entrance. And if Mordred couldn’t feel the magic before, he clearly could now since Arthur staggered at the force of it. The air was thick and humid though the sky was clear. The entire clearing was destroyed. The grass was scorched off and any other sign of life had melted to ash.

Mordred stepped up next to him. “Oh my god.”

The clearing was empty. No sign of Merlin or Morgana anywhere. A flash of gold caught Arthur’s eyes and he rushed forward to find Excalibur. It was covered in dirt and half stuck in the ground, the hilt of it glinting in the sunlight. 

Arthur slowly picked it up, flipping it in his hand. He’d gone home after Merlin left, having no idea how to find him when his sword disappeared. It was only then that Arthur sought out Mordred’s help. His breaths came heavy. “Where is he? He’s gone?”

Mordred looked around, moving further in. “This was all Merlin’s magic. This whole place used to be thriving with life. There was a garden here and the rocks were—”

Mordred cut himself off. Arthur bit down on his lip, hard. “What about Morgana?”

Mordred shook his head. “I can’t feel her at all. Merlin’s magic was here but it’s fading. They’re gone.”

Arthur froze, all the air sucked from his lungs. His hand involuntarily clenched around Excalibur. “What the hell do you mean, they’re gone?”

Mordred ran his fingers across the jagged rocks and made his way to the large crater in the center of the clearing. “I can’t– It’s like all Merlin’s magic is etched into the air here but I can't sense him. Which doesn’t make sense. Where could he be?”

“I mean, they’re not— they can’t be dead, right?” Arthur’s voice cracked.

Mordred met his gaze. “The amount of magic that Merlin let out is more than nearly all the sorcerers in the five kingdoms combined. You truly have no idea how powerful he is. If that magic was caught on Morgana, there’s no chance she’s alive.”

“But Aithusa is alive.”

“She probably wasn’t in the valley. Merlin must've pushed her out or unconsciously protected her or something because there is no way that she could’ve survived it. Morgana on the other hand was right here—”

“And Merlin?” Arthur fought to keep his voice steady and not break down.

Mordred crouched down and ran his fingers over the dirt. “He’s powerful, Arthur. But he’s still human. Letting out nearly all of his power at one time is— it’s unfathomable, especially for someone like Merlin.”

Arthur stepped forward, his voice going hard. “What the hell are you saying?”

Mordred looked up. “Don’t underestimate him, Arthur. But I wouldn’t get my hopes up.”

_ \--0-o-0-- _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please don't kill me. i do love cliff-hangers though (only when I'm the one writing it so oops)
> 
> side note: dw if you're confused. we all are.


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